“No matter how different two men are, if you say, ‘Hey, man, women are crazy,’ you got a friend.”
~Chris Rock
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus? I don’t buy it. If it’s true, well, I have only a fleeting recollection of Mars and it looks a lot like southwestern Louisiana. Nevertheless, I think the idea posited by that statement is that men and women are soo different. We’re not that different. In fact, we’re very much the same. I know this comes as a shock, but the key difference is really a simple matter of priorities and motivations. People like to complain about how the other gender is sooo complicated. No, they’re really not. You just don’t want to believe how simple they are because then you have no excuses for not doing what you ought to do. Oh… and on top of those motivations and priorities, there’s one more difference… our characteristic flaw: women are crazy and men are stupid.
I can just see you all staring at your screens (creepy, no?) thinking “Man, whatever, I’m not crazy/stupid!” But I’m sorry to tell you that yes, you are crazy or stupid. Either that or you are an extraordinary specimen that ought to be kept in a zoo somewhere. I don’t mean in general, of course, some of the most brilliant people in the world are men, and most women that I know are not categorically insane… these stereotypes are generally true, however, when it comes to dealings with the opposite gender. Now, I know enough by now to know that you’re not going to take anything I write here as the gospel (though I’m working steadily towards that goal) so let’s look at some examples.
Cromagnon Man
I think we can safely say that men are not crazy. This is, of course, if you except the dare-devil nature of most men which leads them to be more prone to taunt a loose bull than to call home when they’re going to be late. Let’s face it, ladies, most of you don’t ask for much… and what you do ask for is so common and cliche that any man ought to be able to, by societal osmosis, figure it out. Heck, most of it isn’t even that hard… you want to feel respected, appreciated, and cared for, and every once in a while you want to be taken out to a fancy dinner so you can get all dressed up and feel pretty. No kidding. But most men don’t do these things as often as we ought to. Why? Because we’re stupid.
I don’t say that to excuse our behavior, either… but somewhere along the way, something got messed up… Darwinism somehow selected the man who is, essentially, relationship clueless. This may be because women are crazy…
Get the Straight Jackets
Ahhh Women. Where to begin? Personally, I’m not sure that I’ve run into very many women who don’t turn into wild-eyed loons at the first hint of relationship. Sure, most of it is behind-the-scenes… but it’s usually there. This is where the ladies go into denial, but how does one explain the sort of neurotic, obsessive-compulsive over-analysis of relationship situations that women are known for? Or the extrapolation to the entirety of your future lives from every first date? Everything is a sign, symbol, omen, or clue. It obviously has to be. Why else would he have worn that shirt to the study group meeting? Then there’s the ultra-competitiveness with other women. This is where the similar phrase “Men are stupid, women are evil” comes in. (Notice that men are still stupid) How DARE that skanky ho be talking to the guy that you have a crush on! No, it doesn’t matter that she’s taking his order at a restaurant, she’s clearly too interested and should be put to death.
Honestly, ladies… how about y’all tone it down a bit, and we’ll try to convince a few more of our brain cells to think about something other than the Zone Blitz defense and horsepower? I think it’s a fair compromise.
we do over-analyze and maaaaaybe we’re a little neurotic.. but that’s just because we’re trying to figure out who to get you to do those nice things… un-stupify you. and because trying to figure out the impossible makes one go a little obsessive compulsive.. that’s why we try so hard to figure things out. BUT i wouldn’t say that puts us int he “wild-eyed loon” category. my eye’s aren’t wild.
Excuses, excuses. You know, if you’d all just stop dating guys who didn’t do the things you wanted, we’d catch on pretty quickly.
Not too surprising… although I know men who are also CRAZY and women who sad to say it are just as stupid as the men. (note: these comments refer to relationships)
I knew you were going to say that, Pete. That was just weird.
Okay, in what might be viewed as a betrayal to those of my sex (the “fairer one” mind you), I’m going to say that I absolutely agree with Pete here.
When it comes to relationships of the romantic nature, guys are stupid and girls are emotionally unstable (i.e. in extreme cases we call it crazy).
I’ve learned that 1) girls should never assume when it comes to guys and 2) girls should always tell guys what they want/expect. Otherwise, we’re shit out of luck gals (sorry). After all, it’s better to tell him and get what you want than deal with one form of disappointment or another.
Quite honestly, the truth of it all is that if you want/expect something out of the poor (and oblivious) guy, be direct and just tell him. Needless to say, I’m guilty of not doing this from time to time (not a peep out of you Manny). ;P
As for guys, well…it wouldn’t hurt if they asked questions from time to time to help move matters along (even if you honestly don’t have a clue). Then again, you could always be just randomly and spontaneously romantic from time to time. Let me tell you, a few flowers (we’re not even talking dozens of roses) will work miracles.
Okay, that’s my two cents (well, more like five cents at this point).
Let me just recap and say that Pete is right on this one. *Faints.* ;P
Shit, I just realized how long of a comment that was. Sorry Pete! Feel free to edit, delete, etc.
No worries… you may go on at whatever lengths you’d like about how correct I am. No complaints here.
I mostly agree w/ Pete here [shh don't tell anyone], but honestly if we have to TELL you men what we want then we’re just issuing orders. That’s no fun. If I tell a guy to being me flowers then he does then the whole point is lost. He has to think of me and bring the flowers all on his own or the entire gesture is pointless. Make sense?
“Issuing Orders”… because we have to give you what you ask for?
Besides, sometimes it’s just a matter of telling guys what you like. Making it very explicit. I mean, if someone told me that they really liked getting flowers for birthdays, anniversaries, and other special occasions I would be much more likely to do that than if I wasn’t told.
Just because guys ought to know something doesn’t mean we do. Besides, you all spend so much energy trying to make us think you’re not “typical girls” but then you expect us to automatically treat you like “typical girls” when you want things like flowers and random acts of romanticism.
Granted, it’s not all women here… the miscommunications require two parties, but we can’t control you and you can’t control us, so we each just have to do what’s within our power to get what we want.
OK, then here it is. I like flowers on random occasions and perhaps for my bday. I prefer peach roses or gerber daisies but really anything pretty would be appreciated. NOW it’s on the web for all to see.
I just want to say everyone should watch Chris Rock stand-ups. He will enlighten all of you women out there.
I better get the big piece of chicken.
First of all, I’m not sure posting a preferernce for flowers on Pete’s website is sufficient to charge somebody with constructive notice of such a preference. Nice through though Teresa!
Concerning the comment about “giving orders” …it’s not just telling us you like one thing over another, but giving us some indication that something is even needed. Pete’s right…we are incredibly stupid, and can only do the nice things for you that you want when we know such a act is needed at that time. Great post!
On another note, I’m never going to get another date if I continue talking about “constructive notice”
Don’t worry Matt, “constructive notice” is like Shakespeare’s sonnets to some women.
Pete, do I get immunity from your “women are crazy” hypothesis? I mean, I haven’t even cried in over a year…
Kelly: will you marry me?
Only if I dont have to move above the Mason-Dixon line.
Pete, you got a problem w/ crying?
Not necessarily, that’s just one of the many reasons that I want to marry Kelly Horsley.
Well, Call me crazy AND stupid, but i’m going to post to this months after the fact and with the sole purpose of completely disagreeing with your generalization.
If i could have an opinion here, it would be that depending on the context, depending on the person, depending on the biophysical situation of the individual, depending on the conditions behind such a person and depding on how many things that i couldn’t imagine let alone enumerate: Women and Men are the same.
Of course that is to say that they are different.
They are the same in the potentialities of all such things that give rise to the functionalities and fundamentals of their characteristics.
If your still with me, i’m basically suggesting that women and men are neither crazy or stupid, that perhaps individuals react crazy and stupid in particular situations.
And what is really interesting is seeing what conditions and causes give rise to the ideas that we attribute to gender in general based on the experiences that we have with a limited collection of individuals.
I think this is applicable to relationship dynamics as well.
Still It is an interesting topic and I think it is cool that you brought it up.
And forgive me if i missed your point =D
Cheers