Continuing with the theme of “things that suck”, I’ve decided to re-post a friend’s “Ode to Bengie’s Drive-In”, it’s very special.
She had such a great experience at this Drive-In in Baltimore, Maryland that she just had to share it with everyone… and since she’s been driven underground by those who shall not be named, we thought it’d be good to put this out there for other Drive-In connoisseurs.
Dearest Bengie’s Drive-In,
After visiting your theater for the first time this past weekend, I feel compelled to write and give a big “THANKS!” for a great first drive-in experience.
Upon entrance to your establishment, I was greeted with “Forty,” which, apparently, was the cost to cover myself and the passengers in my vehicle. I must applaud your efforts for skipping pleasantries. Undoubtedly, a more gentle greeting was bypassed for the purpose of efficiently shepherding the mass of customers through your gate. And by “mass”, I mean “my car”, seeing as we were two hours early for the feature presentation and, therefore, the only ones in line at the moment.
Upon our arrival, we were also provided a novella containing the rules and regulations of the theater. Again, I must express my appreciation for your thoughtfulness in this regard. I only regret that I had not quite managed to peruse this literary masterpiece before I traveled the additional 30 feet to meet your next kind employee.
Speaking of the next kind employee, I must pause to extrapolate her character in more detail. Now, as I mentioned earlier, I had not had ample time to examine all of your rules and regulations thoroughly, so I was unaware that I would be asked by this second kind employee to turn off my daytime running headlights before I could officially enter the grounds. My confusion was apparent, as I inquired as to why it would matter if I would just be pulling in and turning my car off for the remainder of my time at your establishment. Your lovely employee, however, sensing my confusion and ignorance of the rules, provided quite the sufficient explanation with “Ummm, white lights? White screen? These need to be turned off.” I explained that daytime running headlights were a safety feature on my newer-model car, and that they, in fact, could not be turned off. Again, she was ready and willing to assist by stating matter-of-factly “Pop your hood. Find something to cover up those lights.” One of my passengers then suggested a white plastic bag. Thankfully, your employee pointed out my passenger’s light-covering ignorance by stating “White bag over a white light? No,” and suggesting that we use a blanket or floor mats. And when we were having difficulty with this process and one of my passengers exited the car to provide assistance, again, your kind employee was ready and willing to relay the rules of your establishment, exclaiming “You in the brown! Get back in the car! You’re not wearing shoes!” Thanks to this kind and helpful employee, we were not only prepared to enter your theater parking area, but we were also given an impromptu crash course on some of your most important rules and regulations. Many thanks.
My passengers and I then proceeded to the movie viewing area, where we parked our vehicle, turned it off (keeping our make-shift pillow and floor mat light covers on the car, just in case), and began to set up camp. We noticed a lovely couple to our left who had apparently prepared for the headlight situation by taping newspapers over their headlights. We admired their foresight. It’s too bad they were later thrown out of your establishment by the aforementioned kind employee when their car battery died, causing their car alarm to sound. Honestly, the car alarm was not nearly the disturbance I expected it to be compared to the tone and confrontation provided by your kind employee.
We felt many times throughout the night that we should share the lessons learned by this employee. However, when we asked her what her name was, her response was “No.” I feel quite certain that “No” is not her actual name. Perhaps it is a nickname bestowed upon her by fellow employees? At any rate, we proceeded in our quest to tell all that we had learned by approaching an on-duty manager, who then shared these things with your kind employee. We were eventually blessed with the opportunity to approach her once again first-hand. She inquired if we knew exactly how long she had been performing her duties at your drive-in. We were stumped by this riddle, because surely we had not implied that we were mind readers of any sort. However, I will offer a guess as to how long this kind employee has been working at your estlishment: TOO LONG. Perhaps an extended vacation is in order.
All in all, I’d say my first drive-in experience was a wild success. I quickly learned all the rules and regulations of the event and I got to see minimal work ethic at its finest. My only regret is that my first drive-in experience will be my last experience with Bengie’s, as my need to be treated decently as a human being severely overrides my need to return to your establishment.
Toodles,
Kimberly Herndon kimberly.herndon@gmail.com
Good work, Kim.
