Pete,
I’m a rising 3L and terrified of graduating and moving into the “real world.” I don’t want to look for a job, and I really, REALLY don’t want to take the bar.I’m too far in debt to drop out of school; can you think of any creative ways I can postpone graduation from IU Law?
Signed,
Staying in School
Dear Half of my class,
Listen, you’re smart. I know, because I think quite highly of myself and since nearly 90% of the students in the class of 2008 are smarter than I am, statistically speaking, you’ve gotta be one of them. So I’ll spare you the talk about joint degree programs, petitioning the Dean to allow you to take four years to graduate, and other administrative remedies because they are most certainly not creative. Here are some creative things you could try… keep in mind that I offer no warranties and this post is for entertainment purposes only:
Fake your own death — It’s mysterious, it’s tricky, it’s exciting, and when you “come back to life,” you will get all of the studs and/or babes your heart desires. You’ll be like some sort of secret agent. They love that shit. While you’re “dead” you can go to some island paradise and sell boat rentals or work as a barkeep.
Stage a hunger strike — chain yourself to something large and immobile (there are a few students who might do the trick) and refuse to leave until the school establishes a “Student Emeritus” position and awards it to you. Make sure they don’t overlook access to all of the University’s amenities like the HPER and the hot undergrads.
Get abducted by aliens — make sure they erase your memory. Petition the University to let you start over from first year. You might also want to see that the aliens do the erasing AFTER any anal probing they do… otherwise you could have some serious psychological issues.
Run. Fast. — Specifically, you’ll need to run at several hundred times the speed of light. Stop when you get to your own law school orientation. Try to take into account how long it’ll take you to slow down… you wouldn’t want to overshoot it and land back in the midst of some really awkward stage of your life.
Denial — If you skip your own graduation, did it really happen at all? Keep coming back and trying to register for classes as though nothing changed.
Trade Identities — Find someone who desperately wants to be a lawyer but desperately wants to avoid Law School. Trade all vital information with them. Enjoy your next three years of law school while they take the bar and go into practice. Prepare to feel like you’ve wasted a lot of time and money if they actually pass. Prepare to have to kill them if they don’t.
Commit a Major Felony — Nothing would quite slow down your progress toward your JD quite like having to do all of your studying in the jail library between trips to the yard and making some large man very happy.
That’s the best I can come up with. Best of luck in your search to maintain the status quo.
-Pete
