Ask Pete: Keeping Up With The Kids

Pete,
I’m a long time practicing lawyer and I’ve gotten myself so out of touch with the young people in law school and aspiring lawyers. What advice can you give me to help me get in touch with the new crop of lawyers joining my firm and the students out there? Keep in mind I don’t have a desire to get over-involved with these people or act as any sort of mentor type person. I just want to know how to relate to them to get the best and most efficient work out of them.

Signed,

Stodgy, Esq.

Dear Old Fart¹,
Being a long-time practicing attorney, I’m sure you know that the best practical way to figure out what’s on the minds of your new associates would be to, you know, actually talk to them. Failing that, I guess you could try to find their blogs, facebook accounts, or myspace profiles. But that would all be normal and boring. You don’t come to Pete for normal and boring. (shut up) So here is what I would recommend that you do, but absolutely, positively, never-ever get caught. That would be totally un-cool.

My friend, I recommend espionage.

Start simple. Find one or two of the more “hip” and “with it” associates. Then start reading their email. All of it. Work accounts, home accounts, everything. That’ll give you some kind of idea who they are and what makes them tick. At this point you’ve got two options, expand your search to more people, or delve deeper into your current targets. Either is fine. Once you’re done with emails, though, things get really interesting.

Move on to text-messages and IMs. Now you’re getting the nitty-gritty. This is the heart and soul of the new law school graduates. It’s amazing. Give one of them an assignment. Even if — nay, ESPECIALLY if — you have no authority over them. Then watch them furiously email their mom or college roommate to tell them about this heinous new assignment they’ve been given.

Do you feel that tingling, stodgy? The funny feeling in your loins? That’s power. Savor it.

If you don’t feel quite in tune yet, step it up. Use your new surveillance powers to figure out where they’re going out on Friday. Be there, but please don’t get caught. See them in their element. You don’t want to fire up Junior Associate’s email only to learn that you’re now the “creepy old guy”.

During the process, follow your investigatory instincts. If they’re raving about the new iPhone, go buy one. Gushing about Harry Potter? Go see it. Try to piece together how they live their lives. Studying the trends isn’t enough, though. You have to live them. Listen to the new music, read the new publications, learn the new lingo.

If talking isn’t enough and stalking just isn’t doing the trick, then I have some bad news for you. You are simply to dried-up to ever relate to the young’uns again.

But, hey, you can always call them into your office and let them fidget with your Lincoln Logs while they watch slides of your most recent trip to some boring national park!

Slide-rules and carbon paper,

-Pete

1. This is where I hope beyond hope that this person is never in a position to decide whether or not to hire me.