I had my oral argument last night. No problem. Everyone did great. Today I leave for Tuscaloosa, so I don’t have a chance to respond to this AskPete email, however because there was so much discussion, I’m going to ask anyone who wants to join in the fun to answer this message. When I get back, I’ll post my own response.
You can either post your answer here in the comments or post it on your own blog and post a link here. It’ll be fun.
Dear Pete,
I’m a law school girl and I have a guy friend who I think might like me as more than just a friend. I just don’t like him that way. I really don’t want to ruin our friendship or put a resulting strain on our social group dynamic.
I’m not yet certain enough about his feelings to feel comfortable enough to confront him directly and explain, “look, it’s not going to happen.” But I also want to be sure that I don’t send any signals (verbal or physical) that would lead him on by making him think I might feel the same way.
How, precisely, should I handle the situation? Start treating him like crap? Stop all joking that could possibly be interpreted as flirting? Avoid him? Constantly drop names of other men?
What should I say? What should I do?
Given the recent flurry of blogging on this subject, I want to be sure I’m sending the right message. Perhaps the bloggers could weigh in as well.
Signed,
Just Not That Into Him
So there you have it. What say you?
October 13th, 2006 at 11:58 am
If he asks you out on a date, say “no.” Other than that, you don’t need to do anything.
October 13th, 2006 at 12:37 pm
I’m going to agree with Ken on this one.
October 14th, 2006 at 11:35 am
No matter what you say at first he will be upset. So just tell him he is like a brother to you. He will get the hint. Also, don’t be so cute and bubbly around him. He will take that as flirting.
Trust me once a guy knows he is in the “Oh I am like a brother” zone he will get the hint.
October 14th, 2006 at 1:19 pm
I’m gonna vote with Manny here, only you could do the “friend” thing too. “You’re such a good friend.” style. Also, don’t hook up with him. This may go without saying, but in law school there’s always alcohol and more alcohol and all sorts of randomness.
October 14th, 2006 at 6:09 pm
guys that are all smitten-y don’t understand the “good friend” thing, because we’re brought up to believe that the person you marry should be your best friend; since when is friendship a negative quality in a guy? are romance and friendship mutually exclusive? the “friend” argument is just illogical passivicity in the guise of resolution.
personally, i’d have a few drinks, walk right up to him, and say, “it’s not gonna happen.” maybe you could drive the point home by being really grabby with some other guy right in front of him.
then the burden is on him: he’ll have to decide whether to pout, be creepy, or go back to being normal friends. regardless, you’ll be absolved of any sort of duty. if people think it was harsh or thoughtless to be straightforward, you can blame the booze.
it’s called having your cake and eating it too.
October 14th, 2006 at 7:29 pm
Word fitz! You can do that. Kristina, I like that approach too. You can also ALWAYS go out in groups to add to it.
October 16th, 2006 at 3:30 pm
I’m with Ken on this one. So, so, SO with Ken.
October 16th, 2006 at 3:59 pm
Although, to give the guy a chance to save face, I will generally make sure that I am not alone with him and there is no touching and ESPECIALLY no “let me walk you home.” (Some guys make this one REALLY hard to get out of, too). But if the guy’s going to interpret bubbly as “into him,” there’s not much I can do to help him out. So there’s a case to be made for Fitzy’s approach as well. (Y’all know I’m kidding, no one start with the slut stuff again, k?)
October 17th, 2006 at 9:48 am
I say hit it & quit it.
Not necessarily in this situation, I just say that a lot. Maybe . . . too much.