Ask Pete: Getting Payment on Old Debts

Dear Pete,
How do you ask people for money that they owe you? I don’t want to seem like an ass, but it’s my money damn it!

Signed,

Too Nice

Dear Gullible Sucker:

First of all, you clearly did not follow Pete Holiday’s Rule for Gifts vs. Loans. That rule is as follows: except in some very rare circumstances, banks give loans and people give gifts. You should not “loan” to someone something you would miss unless you set up very explicit repayment terms.

But, since you clearly already fucked that part up, let’s get to solving your problem.

I’m going to guess that you’re wanting to avoid just saying “Hey, buddy… do you have the $20 I lent you X months ago?” So here are some more, say, creative ways of getting your money back.

Slowly re-borrow. Every chance you get, see if you can get him to spot you a few bucks. This should bring to mind that he owes you and he won’t complain. Alternately, you could take him to the bar, get him drunk, and then continually convince him that it’s his turn to buy the drinks. This last one you can repeat until you feel like you’ve made it up in interest.

Be Passive Aggressive. Start making off-handed comments about people borrowing money and never repaying it. Make up fake scenarios. Speak in unflattering terms about what that says about their personality and character.

Sell their debt to a creditor. I doubt many creditors would buy a $10 debt, but if they owe you something a little more substantial this could work. Make sure you find the sleaziest and most obnoxious one you can then sit back and watch the fireworks.

Public Humiliation. If you go to school or work with this person, make fliers describing their debt and how long they’ve avoided paying you back. If you’ve got anything like a mug shot, use that.

Ok, ok… so you didn’t want to be an ass. I know. But seriously… pretty much anything you can do, short of just sacking up and asking, is going to make you look like an ass. In fact, depending on the amount of the debt, even that might look less-than-flattering.

If nothing else, maybe you’ve learned your lesson. Although, from my experience, most folks who have this problem don’t ever learn.

Can I borrow $10?

Pete