Attn: Bloomingtonians

Ok, so this borders on unexcusably nerdy, but I’ve been talking about throwing a bit of a bash the monday we return from break… but I’ve been a little bit slacker about actually putting it together. Here are the details.

              Court of Debauchery
             Intoxication Division

Pete Holiday, Ryan Pinkston, and Morgan Rogers, et al. 
individually and on behalf all others similarly situated

                         v.
    
Father Time and John Does, et al.


The undisputed facts in this matter are as follows. In or around
the latter part of the month of November in various years, the
plaintiffs were born. Since their respective births, defendant 
Father Time ("Time") has caused time to pass.

Plaintiffs allege that this action on the part of defendant Time
has caused them to grow older. Plaintiffs claim that this aging
process is bothersome and that the attendant yearly increase in 
age creates emotional distress. In addition, plaintiffs identify 
as defendants a group of individuals whose respective birthdays 
do not fall in or around the latter half of the month of November. 
Plaintiffs allege that this group of defendants exacerbate the 
emotional distress caused by the aging process by failing to 
increase their own ages at the same time as plaintiffs.

Plaintiffs request a permanent injunction of defendant Time. Time
moved to dismiss on the grounds that he lacks capacity to be sued 
as a fictional entity or, in the alternative, for plaintiff's 
failure to state a claim for which relief can be granted as the
passage of time simply cannot be abated by mandate of the court.
Defendant Time's motion is granted and is dismissed from the suit.

Of remaining defendants, Plaintiffs request specific performance
of the following nature:

   Defendant members of the class are to attend a "party"
   honoring plaintiffs to be held at the home of defendant 
   Holiday on the evening of Monday, November 28th, 2005.
   Said "party" is to commence at 8:00pm on the night in
   question with plaintiffs providing ample quantities of
   cheap (in cost and quality) beer and wine for the 
   consumption of all "party-goers". Other types and 
   qualities of alcohol are welcome on a "BYO" basis.

Default judgment is entered against the remaining defendants
for failure to respond. Specific performance is ordered as
described by plaintiffs except to note that donations to offset
the cost of the cheap alcohol should be accepted by plaintiffs.
Further, defendants should indicate their intention to comply
with the order of this court by taking action at the following
"website":



http://www.evite.com/pholiday@indiana.edu/birthday05



Or by emailing plaintiff Holiday at pholiday <at> indiana.
Defendants are also hereby ordered to have a great time.

DISMISSED in part, JUDGMENT FOR PLAINTIFFS in part.

So, the poing I’m trying to make here, is that we’re having a get together. Hope you can come.