Hiding Behind Sarcasm

Lessons in passive-aggression are still given out daily over here apparently.

So Rachel opts out of Weekly Dinner (which Laura has taken over in my absense). No big deal, right? Sure, it was tacky to actually tell your host that you didn’t have fun at the last one, but there’s no requirement to be gracious and classy. Of course, if you do that and someone teases you about it as KimHo did here you don’t really have a whole lot of right to get all bent out of shape. Especially if you claim to be sarcastic.

But that’s not as much an issue with me as some of the other nonsense in Rachel’s post. The biggest issue here is that if you’re going to say something, have the integrity to stick up for it or admit you were wrong as opposed to hiding behind being “joking” when you get called on being a bitch.

The bottom line here is that Rachel has a history, long and storied, of getting bent out of shape for no apparent good reason about once every two weeks and there’s nothing you can do but just let her get over it.

But let’s have a look at the post itself:

I swear. These folks. I mean, I missed once this summer, and suddenly I became the bitch who didn’t show because she thought she was too cool - nevermind the fact that I wasn’t feeling well at all. I don’t come last night, and bam - like her life’s too full too join us. Yes, I originally told Laura I wasn’t coming because I didn’t have fun last week. She’s known me 3 years now and hasn’t picked up on my sarcasm? Maybe she thought I was serious because I wasn’t part of the conversation, but really, I know Laura can cook and that alone tops everything else. And I know they all say they’re joking, but girls are petty. And if I were to say that I just wouldn’t come at all anymore because obviously it’s much more fun to just bash me and my non-life, I’m sure someone would make the comment that what? The reverse isn’t true and I can’t recognize sarcasm?
Sooooooooo I’ve come to a decision: Rachel is no longer going to be associated with sarcasm (at least around certain people). People who don’t know me may get some of the left-overs randomly, but now I’m just going to be… well, the opposite of sarcastic. I’m not really sure what that is. It might take me a while to master it, but if I toss out something remotely facetious, I’ll be sure to follow it with a giggle (which I’ll also have to practice) and an apology or an emoticon or whatever. Watch out - I may also become one of those people who explains it to everyone (who has already understood what was said).

First thing I notice is that we have a lot of conflicting but alternate theories that she’s advancing. She didn’t come because she wasn’t feeling well… she didn’t come because she was hanging out with her brother… she didn’t come because she didn’t have fun last week… but there’s an issue of chronology as well… she told Laura ahead of time that she wasn’t going because she didn’t have fun last week. But now she has alternate explanations after the fact… so since she did something else, obviously that was the reason she didn’t go. Sure.

And let’s examine the assertion that she was originally sarcastic but Laura didn’t pick up on that. Knowing them both, I doubt this was the case. Why? Well, for one thing, Laura is generally pretty good about picking up on sarcasm. I don’t think I’ve ever used sarcasm she didn’t catch. Also, what generally happens when you make a joke and someone else takes you literally? There’s an immediate miscommunication — it’s not generally something that rears its head a few days later.

And then witness sentences upon sentences of passive aggression — trying to guilt trip those of us who do indeed put up with her regular mood-swings — into being even more accommodating. If I had to posit a guess, I’d suppose that this is a case of someone who really wanted to be begged to change her mind, and then wasn’t. But those are just random guesses.

The bottom line here is that she was being a bitch and got called on it, then tried to hide behind sarcasm, and then accused the other ladies of hiding behind theirs. Sarcasm is supposed to be a sword, not a shield and if one isn’t quite sure how to use it, it might be better to just avoid using it until one can figure out how… especially if one is going to be a hypocrite in the process.