The Little Ruckus IMed me last night because she and the Big Ruckus had come upon an interesting problem. Guys, we all know the universal sign(s) for “Dude, your fly’s down” — those extremely subtle hints that we pass to each other in crowded bars and parties that to alert our fellow man that they might unwittingly find themselves on the receiving end of jokes and stories for years to come if they do not quickly remedy the situation.
Women, I’ve been told, do not have such a system. If a woman sees another woman “forecasting the weather” in public, there’s little she can to do subtly alert her friend that every man inside a 5 mile radius is looking in her general direction — as though he was not aware, until that very moment, that she had nipples.
Ryne, apparently, suggested what was referred to as the “air tweak” — Morgan doesn’t think that’s subtle enough. I, personally, think that the witness should just discretely rub the victims nipples in a “wax on, wax off” sort of motion until the victim gets the picture. For whatever reason, Morgan didn’t think that would work.
So, since I cannot seem to put a serious mind to this problem without becoming rather distracted, I’m passing this along to you, fair readers, to solve.
What should be the International Symbol for “You’re nipping out”?
June 9th, 2005 at 12:18 pm
Options:
A) Intense staring (wait, that’s normal)
B) Placing one’s hands on one’s own chest, with the pointer fingers pointing outwards towards the victim.
C) Making some comments about “leaving the headlights on”
But then again… if a fly is down, a guy can discreetly fix the problem. Can a woman discreetly fix her problem?
June 9th, 2005 at 1:17 pm
Short of crossing your arms over the area… NO. I’ve used the headlights code before.
June 9th, 2005 at 1:24 pm
Personally, I believe that the woman observing the nipper-outer should expose her own breasts. This signal would not only present a clear message to the nipper-outer, but distract the other people in the room long enough for the nipper-outer to rectify the situation. Given that the situation that brought this discussion on involved my Morgan as the noticer, I think this is an excellent solution.
June 9th, 2005 at 1:51 pm
Ryne, I like your way of thinking!
June 9th, 2005 at 1:54 pm
Let’s not be blind to the “worst case scenario” in our eagerness to see boobies.
I mean, I can go to google and find countless examples of boobies that you do not want to see, if that’s what it’ll take.
June 9th, 2005 at 3:42 pm
Heh, nice. I’ve got to agree, Pete’ums, that Ryne and Bobby haven’t quite thought this one through.
What’s more, when a girl takes her top off in public, that doesn’t exactly scream “Hey you, you’re nipping out” so much as “Hey, look at me! I’m a ho!” … Keep the suggestions coming, though. :o)
June 9th, 2005 at 3:42 pm
Ehh Pete… I’m going to quote the comedy man Ron White in the “Blue Collar Comedy Tour”:
“Once you’ve seen one pair of breasts… you wanna see them all”
Even if that means that a particular showing causes one to shudder and have convulsions. That’s just the risk you have to take.
June 9th, 2005 at 3:47 pm
I think we need to work on some international symbols for “Hey! I’m a ho!” too.
June 9th, 2005 at 6:22 pm
There ARE universal symbols for “Hey! I’m a ho!” I think carrying a small dog in an oversized purse in public is one of them, no?
June 9th, 2005 at 7:12 pm
What’s wrong with telling the world you’re a ho? Are hos bad people? I think we ought to ponder this question in a public place…topless.
June 9th, 2005 at 10:12 pm
Maybe they just want to show-off their nipples, and if they are comfortable with it, what’s wrong with that? Just show it off!
June 9th, 2005 at 10:20 pm
Exactly how much control do you think women have over their nipple-erections, C.K.?
June 9th, 2005 at 11:08 pm
Not that much, is that a trick question? I don’t know! Don’t have a g/f here, do you want to answer that question Morgan?
June 9th, 2005 at 11:37 pm
Dude, how much control do you have over your OWN nipples??
June 9th, 2005 at 11:41 pm
Why are we even talking about nipples in the first place anyway?
June 9th, 2005 at 11:44 pm
Because it is a women’s issue, and Pete is dedicated to keeping abreast of women’s issues.
June 10th, 2005 at 12:02 am
Also, I believe, though I’m not certain that the title of the post, CK, was “Let’s talk about Nipples”
…so if you’re wondering why we’re all talking about nipples, well… that’s why.
June 10th, 2005 at 8:48 am
Keeping abreast of women’s issues involving nipples… that’s classic…
June 10th, 2005 at 3:14 pm
A few years ago, a bunch of us were sitting around watching TV when this really hot friend of ours, Sue, came over wearing a tight half shirt. Kenny said to her “don’t you ever wear a bra?” She looked down to see her raging nippons, and proceeded to put her hands over her breasts. Someone then mentioned “that just makes it hotter”, at which point she gave up, sat down, and started watching TV while everyone in the room was staring at her breats - which we probably would have been doing anyway.
June 10th, 2005 at 6:05 pm
I agree with M Jones, that’s what guys will do anyway, they will stare no matter what.
June 10th, 2005 at 8:35 pm
You could always use a decoy. fake nipples inside your shirt so that when the real ones pop up no one will notice.
June 15th, 2005 at 11:53 pm
hmm i must be weird then, i’m not a boob guy. I like hips. hourglass figures will turn my head in an instant, but i try not to stare. It’s just not polite. What i find amusing is when i see a girl wearing a mini skirt that is so “mini” the bottom of her cheeks are showing and she is spending a lot of time trying to pull the skirt down. I mean come on! if don’t want your cheeks to show don’t wear the damn thing to begin with. I had a lady, this would have been about two years ago, walk by me who was wearing one of those deep v cut shirts. All the guys around me kept staring and she kept trying to pull the v close so no one could see her clevage. It finally got to the point where she finally asked my friends what they were looking at, i told her if she didn’t like the stares maybe she should use more fabric, which of course pissed her off. Just goes to show how very few brain cells tend to be actually used when it comes to social interactions.
June 16th, 2005 at 12:03 pm
Hmmm… your comment reminds me of the time I wrote a paper on breast size (no joke!). A 0.7 waist to hip ratio (WHR) is known to be the most attractive to men regardless of the body type (from the research and literature… and from what you’re saying, David, it likely holds true for you too). As for breast size my research basically determined that (oh so shockingly) men like breasts that are fairly substantial but not too big… essentially not to big and not to small… eg. cup size E and larger might not be terribly attractive [especially when the woman is hunched over with back strain]).