Whoops.

So I went back to read my last post. If I didn’t know that I was distracted when I wrote it (by food, sorry) I’d definitely have guessed that I was half retarded, heavily drugged, or both.

Or maybe I’d guess that I was distracted, but I’m a little too judgmental for that, I think.

So I’ve decided to really top that off with… a sinus drug induced post. Yes, that’s right. Just a few minutes ago I took a “night time” cold and sinus medication… and we all know that “night time” medicines are the only thing that will put you to sleep faster than grandma’s slides from her trip to see the largest ball of twine and tallest free standing french fry tower… but I digress. The little pills have undoubtedly broken up into very very very very very small particles and are coursing through my bloodstream.

I can tell because, to be real honest, I don’t remember what I wrote four sentences ago. I’d guess, though, that it’s not important. The only thing I was hoping to convey in the last paragraph was… that I’m getting a bit loopy. I hope I did.

I have recently come upon some very important information that I find it very necessary to share.

Being worth a large number of points in scrabble is no reason to eat something. You might think it is if you look at some isolated incidents… like “Zucchini” or “Lasagna” or “Pie”… but you’d be wrong… because there are words like “Xylophone” which, for the record, is worth something like 47,000 points in scrabble and let me be the first to tell you that xylophones DO NOT digest well. I’m serious. Don’t try it.

I’m not quite sure why, but something brought this quote to mind:

Listen — strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony…Well you can’t expect to wield supreme executive power just ’cause some watery tart threw a sword at you!

Boy do those words ring true.

So… right. Whatever this was that I took does a number on my short term recall, but I’m fighting the urge to go back and read this post to figure out what I’ve written. If I repeat myself I think you’ll forgive me… if not… well… I guess you can just go fuck yourself jump in a lake. And forget how to swim. so you’d drown. and you’d be dead.

Yeah. Dead.

But then who would read my site? Hmmm… I guess someone would. Like the FBI or something. Or Katie Holmes… because one day I just know she’s going to hit up my feedback form and invite me to be her pool boy and full-time sex slave. Or maybe her husband or something. Manny seems to think otherwise… but… well… don’t tell him I said so, but he’s totally wrong. and short. Totally wrong and short. But I didn’t say so.

Speaking of Manny… he and Carrie are engaged… in a very interesting relationship. I have to agree with Sergi, though. All the cost of a wife, none of the “benefits”… why am I writing this? Oh well.

In other wedding related news, Big Ruckus has asked me to be a groomsman, which is pretty cool. In OTHER wedding related news, I won’t be having one any time soon. If I can help it.

So… I wonder if this is long enough. I hope when I go back and read this tomorrow that… I’m not disappointed. I’m not sure what it would take to disappoint me, though, so I can’t really avoid it.

Oooh! Did you see that? No, you didn’t, because this is a website, not a fucking video camera. Anyway, you totally missed it. I yawned. It was very exciting. (I’ve learned that you have to put the emphasis on “very” or it just doesn’t have the same effect.)

Something else you can’t see… I need to shave tomorrow. My face. Not anything else, though because, honestly, try to keep sharp objects as far away from my lower body as I can. Which seems strange, because if you’re going to get cut ANYWHERE, you’d think you’d want it to NOT be your neck. I wonder if I could make that sentence any more awkward and convoluted. Let’s try.

Ready?

Ok.

If you’re not going to get cut, it doesn’t really matter where that happens, but if you are going to get cut, it also doesn’t matter. Unless it’s your neck, then it matters because it’s bad. Of course, I can think of some other places that it’d be bad to get cut. But really, why are we getting cut in the first place? That seems like a bad idea in general.

I mean, if the blood were SUPPOSED to be outside your body, someone would come and remove it and place it carefully in lots of sanitary jars for you to place around your house. Which is a really creepy thought.

And you’d really be lacking color in your cheeks. and probably everywhere else. Except your hair, because there’s no blood in that. Of course, if you’re like 100 or something, you probably don’t have any color in your hair anyway. Well, it’s probably white… which is a color… you also might not have hair, which would really make you worthless in regards to this part of the discussion, since we’re obviously talking about hair with blood in it… or not. On the other hand, if you’re 100 you PROBABLY don’t have a lot of color in you to begin with… so losing your blood probably wouldn’t really be that noticeable. Except that you’d be dead, because it’s not SUPPOSED to be outside of you… and that’s really the point here, which I think I’ve made exceptionally well.

and now, since I’ve obviously made my point very well (I said so myself), I think I’m going to bed. A contributing factor may be that my eyes are pretty much closed now.

I think I’ll have to open them to publish this. Especially if I want to do a spell-check first.

Hahahaha. Spell chekc. Oh yeah. That’s what I’m going to do.

Not.