Last night, as my dad and I stood in front of the Starbucks cart and sent my mother off to one of those states with a “z” in its name so that she could visit with her mother, I noticed that he was staring at me intensely.
When he opened his mouth to speak I expected to hear something like, “You look so much like your mother!” or “You really have been losing weight lately, haven’t you?” both of which would have been blatant lies but I expected to hear them anyway. Instead I heard, “You have a mustache!”
Initially I was taken aback but my normal sarcastic defense mechanism kicked in shortly thereafter. “Gee, thanks for pointing it out, Dad. I do, after all, take after your family which, unfortunately, appears to carry the sasquatch gene.”
He just giggled in that way he has where he’s pretending not to so he presses his lips together and laughs through them which results in a fine spray of spittle and glottal snorts while his cheeks get red and bunchy, a giggle that you can’t help but join in with as soon as you see it, which then allows him to laugh openly. At you.
Therefore, I think this year when Mom asks me what I want for Christmas I’ll have to ask her for an electric beard-and-mustache trimmer. Maybe, if she plays her cards right, she can chance upon one that will come with a free nose-hair trimmer, since that is the Muffin’s main point of contention with my looks. None of which bothers me, of course. At least, not enough to do anything about.
sigh
I, Furball.
Sucks to be a primate sometimes, doesn’t it?
The Devil Went Down to Georgia
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The other day when I was having lunch with my dad, he looked at my face and went “I though you got rid of all your acne.” I had one unfortunant “bump” on the bridge of my nose that I thought I had covered nicely with makeup. Guess not. Thanks Dad for pointing it out so and having me relive all my gawky teen years.
I think I need oxy.
Oh.. for the facial hair, Nair works nicely. It just stinks like holy hell. Burns a little too. But hey its better than plucking!