I know that lots of you that hang out around here are users of AOL Instant Messenger. I also know that lots of you, like me, are blessed by “always on” internet and, as a result, sometimes leave AIM on when you’re not at your computer. One very annoying habit to get into is leaving without putting up an away message… but a habit that annoys me even more is this:
Auto response from YourScreenName: I am away from my computer right now.
What’s wrong with that picture? Your away message SUCKS, that’s what. Oh, you’re away from your computer? No shit! Is that why you have an “away message” up? Holy crap… that’s brilliant.
Seriously, folks, there are two things that an away message should do. It should inform or it should entertain. Both would be great, but just one is sufficient. Hell, even making a valid attempt is sufficient. The default away message, however, doesn’t even try to do either of those things. It doesn’t inform, really, because one could infer that you’re not around by the mere presence of an away message. It doesn’t entertain for obvious reasons. Now, I know that some of you are just worthless when it comes to creating away messages. My advice to you is to start drinking heavily pay attention.
The first thing you can do, is to just tell people where you are. “I’m at the mall” and “shower” are fine.
The next thing to try is being funny. If you need help trying, go here. I guarantee only that using one of those away messages will be viewed at an attempt at humor. I make no assurance that it will be viewed as a successful attempt.
Doing both is best, and this is probably my favorite away message ever… “If you were my homework, I’d be doing you on my desk right now.” Informative. Entertaining. Two thumbs up!
I mean, honestly, if you’re just going to put up the boring old default away message, you might as well just sign off.
Soo… let’s take a little trip around AIM-land and see what kind of away messages people have up. Screen names have been changed to protect the guilty.
dim sum with john…
hit up the mobile if you need me.
TooMuchPete: He makes being a man whore sound so disappointing… but at least he tells us where he’s gone.
Auto response from Kimberliski: Its days like today that make me wish I still had my gall bladder last night.
TooMuchPete: Informative! Entertaining in that references to gall bladders are almost always funny.
Auto response from SarahBond: I’m around
TooMuchPete: Simple. Effective.
Auto response from Spikin: Currently I am doing something important otherwise I’d be on. Leave a message and I’ll get back to you…:-*
TooMuchPete: Well, we get some “duh factor” with this one, but the attempt at humor is there.
Auto response from DridenRose: mmm….food
TooMuchPete: Informative, of course.
Auto response from Blondy82: I am Cleaning , Cleaning and more cleaning today! Hey what are Saturdays for anyways when it rains! CLEANING! Im me and when I get back I will talk to you then!
TooMuchPete: Just a little too excited about cleaning… but the away message is good!
Auto response from Cathiena: Gone to GA for the weekend!
TooMuchPete: For something that’s going to be up all weekend, you’d think she’d have tried harder to be entertaining.
Auto response from JellieBelly: SHOPPING!!!:-D The way to cure everything!
TooMuchPete: Who said consumer confidence is down?
Auto response from Stargazer04: Downstairs doing dishes………..call x87097
TooMuchPete: Wonderful. We have info, and we have a way to get in touch with her if we need to. (Well, you don’t… I changed the number)
Auto response from Hobbes4414: leave me a message = make me smile…so what’s your excuse for not doing so?
TooMuchPete: Maybe I forgot the category of “begging” in things that an away message can do to not be boring.
Auto response from julieup: I’m hot… I’m steamy… I’m wet…
I’m in the shower!
TooMuchPete: Toss this on the stack of “dirty” away messages — just about the only kind you can use when you’re taking a shower.
Auto response from morgieangel: up north
TooMuchPete: Short, sweet, to the point.
Auto response from Sunny10: doing something
call the cell if yah need me!TooMuchPete: At least we know she’s not doing nothing?
Auto response from JeffCurse: Do you realize that this is at least the seventh day is a row I’ve had to be at Worst Buy?
TooMuchPete: Pity invoking, maybe… but informative.
Auto response from DeAb: bored and broke. suggestions accepted
TooMuchPete: Another entry in the “begging” category… but definitely informative.
Auto response from Eric12: going out to dinner with Kim
TooMuchPete: No complaints on this one.
I searched my ENTIRE BUDDY LIST (of which the above is just a small sub-set) and found no uses of the default away message. This is good. In addition, most seem to be quite adept at putting up away messages that don’t suck.
Good on ya, folks. Don’t ever quit not sucking.
You’ve got some pretty weird standards, Pete… Very strange…
Hey, I think that you are so weird, I mean who cares…some of the away messages that you said we good…SUCKED so kiss my ass!
Does your mommy know that you’re on the computer, little girl?
Hmmm… I should learn how to use the away message. Then again, I’m away… VERY VERY VERY rarely when I’m on my computer. So rare that I don’t bother.