I’m Ugly, Marry Me

So the CW publishes their articles online the night before the print edition comes out. This little number caught my eye. I thought it might have something interesting to say, but it really doesn’t.

It amounts to little more than some kid whining about not being able to get dates. It’s almost sad, really… but it contains a bit of double-standardization that I found EXCEPTIONALLY common in my last roommate, and is really not so uncommon a thing in guys as a general rule.

Ry’s double standard went something like this: “I want a skinny, hot girl. Others need not apply.” Yet he allowed himself to digress into a slovenly porker. Now, I don’t see anything wrong with someone wanting to date someone that’s in shape (or whatever) but, for the love of god, don’t expect more of someone else than you do yourself. If you eat McDonald’s for every freakin meal and your idea of “exercises” is getting off the couch to take a piss, well, you don’t have much right to demand your future mate be the epitome of fitness. Mr. Gray seems to desire a “gorgeous” girl, while describing himself as looking “like Jamie Farr after a tragic car accident.”

Fair enough, though, everyone can dream right? After all, I’m not much better on the issue.

The disturbing part is the last quote: “And if any of you are single, just remember I have a BamaMail account.”

Good lord. I hope to GOD this was a pseudonym. Now you ladies out there who are wondering what fine specimen of man is soliciting dates via email in a letter to the editor, observe the following quotes:

Being a single man whose sole experience with kissing a girl has been my mother giving me a peck on the cheek in 1988 just before I left for kindergarten, I think I’m qualified to say that not all men between the ages of 14 and 25 think solely about their chances of getting the girl who works at Buckle into bed.

…

However, some of us would love nothing more than just to be seen with you and be allowed to tell you that you are beautiful and precious every day for the rest of your life.

…

If you don’t believe me, then you obviously don’t work in an arcade like I do. I work at the Cyberstation in University Mall…

So ladies… anyone want me to hunt down this guys BamaMail address for you? I will. He seems like quite a catch! In all honesty, he makes some decent points, but he sounds exceptionally weak and pathetic in the process.

Am I an ass for making fun? You’re damn right. I may not be the “Catch of the Day” on anyone’s menu, but by god, I’m not going to resort to sniveling and begging… someone will eventually come along and love me for my bastardly personality.

And she’ll be freakin’ HOT too.