God as a Benchmark

Yes… I’m going to post another blasphemous and sacrilegious screed which will probably piss off “You Know Who” and cause him/her/it to leave a vitriolic, yet cowardly, anonymous post which will be summarily deleted because I’m done allowing someone who doesn’t have the marbles to attach his/her/its name to a comment to grandstand and soapbox on my dime… but I digress.

Lately I’ve heard a phrase several times which is entertaining and has reminded me of several others which are humorous simply by reference to God as a benchmark. The particular phrase that sparked this entry is “more money than god.” Simply using a phrase like this in a description makes it more entertaining. Here are some examples:


“Bill Gates has more money than God.” — And how!



“I have to wake up before God.” — For when waking up ‘early’ is not sufficiently descriptive.



“My pants fell down in front of God and everybody.” — Since it just wouldn’t be embarrassing enough if God weren’t there.


What it really comes down to is that describing things in terms of God just makes them funnier. Think about someone who scores better than God on their ACT… or the guy who can eat more pancakes than God… it’s just funny stuff.

Am I missing any good ones that you’ve heard? (Or can pretend like you’ve heard)