Hate Auburn Day!

Welcome, one and all, to my first ever official Hate Auburn Day! I’d like to encourage each of you to participate by hating Auburn today more than you did yesterday! Because I would never ask you, my loyal readers, to do anything that I myself would not do (ok, that’s a lie… but we’ll pretend it’s not), I have taken the liberty of posting an email sent to me by the vivacious AJ, fellow Auburn Hater.



10 Reasons to Laugh at Auburn (1999)

1. Auburn went 1-7 in the SEC in 1998, fired their head coach half-way through the season, promised the job to their defensive coordinator, then hired the head coach of the only SEC team that they managed to beat, to be their new head coach, prompting their defensive coordinator to retire and later sue them for not making him head coach, which he claims they promised him.
   
   


2. Auburn loves to tell everyone that they have solid fan support. In 1993, Auburn went 11-0, their best finish EVER, yet they sold out only TWO of their seven home games. The sellouts were for Alabama and Florida. This decade, including this year, Auburn has never sold out more than 3 home games in a season. Last year, Auburn sold out just one home game, Ole Miss, because Ole Miss brought approximately 14,000 fans to watch the Rebels defeat their old coach.
   
   


3. For 4 of the last 5 years, at least one Auburn player or signee has been charged with at least one crime, ranging from simple assault to murder. The latest criminal, Clifton Robinson, was charged with raping a 15 year old girl. This was not Clifton’s first brush w/ the law. After signing w/ Auburn in 1997, Clifton was arrested that summer for stealing and forging checks.
   
   


4. “We’ll end up having the #1 recruiting class in America,” was the claim of Willie Northern, a 1998 signee of Auburn. The experts didn’t agree, ranking the Auburn class 51st in the nation. 7 of the 28 players of that class failed to qualify and Willie, himself, was cut from the team.
   
   


5. After Tuberville tells all the prospects he contacted during the recruiting process that Auburn would play FSU, Auburn announces after signing day that they will BUY OUT the game rather than play FSU. Auburn substitutes Appalachian State on their schedule. Coach Tuberville claimed he had no idea that Auburn would buy out the FSU game. Several weeks later, Tuberville admits that he did in fact know all along that Auburn intended on buying out the FSU game.
   
   


6. Auburn has the same number of SEC titles as Georgia Tech, who hasn’t been a member of the SEC in 40 years.
   
   


7. How little tradition does Auburn have? In one year, 1992, Alabama did 2 things that Auburn hasn’t been able to do in 107 years. Win a National Championship while not under probation and win 13 games in a season. No word yet whether Auburn intends on buying out Alabama.
   
   


8. When Robert Baker was arrested for selling and distributing cocaine in 1998, then coach Bowden immediately claimed that Baker was a victim and he personally set up several visits with NFL scouts. Unfortunately, Baker was sentenced to 15 years in jail. 10 months later, Baker was released after serving less than a year of the 15 year sentence.
   
   


9. A lot of schools have had brushes with the NCAA. However, Auburn is truly in a class by themselves when it comes to breaking the rules. Auburn is currently the most penalized team in history, and even their tennis and golf teams were put on probation…AT THE SAME TIME. Auburn cheated in tennis and golf. Over the last 4 decades every Auburn football coach, except Tuberville, or AD, or BOTH, has had to appear before the NCAA committee for SERIOUS VIOLATIONS.
   
   


10. What do Camp Griffin, CENTRE HIGH SCHOOL, Davidson, George Washington, Georgia Navy P-F, Manhattan, Maxwell Field, Memphis, Santa Clara, Sewanee, SMU and Vanderbilt have in common? Auburn has an ALL TIME losing record against each of these teams. I’m not sure which is worse, CENTRE HIGH SCHOOL or Vanderbilt. I guess that was before you could buy teams out of games.
    
    

Because this is Hate Auburn Day, you are encouraged to do your hating in the comment box. You are discouraged from hating on other schools in my comment box, but I don’t suppose I’ll stop you. Note, however, that hating on Alabama in my comment box is strictly prohibited. Any such behavior is likely to get you embarrassed (I reserve the right to change your posts to my liking) and maybe banned. I’m not joking.