Standard Disclaimer

It’s come to my attention that my site should have a disclaimer. After looking around the net, I could not find one which adequately covered all of the things that I feel it necessary to disclaim. That being the case, I decided to concoct my own. I’ve stolen, here and there, but the compilation is my own. Even thinking about reading this website indicates agreement to terms and conditions outlined below.

The opinions expressed herein are not those of my company, my family, my roommates, my friends, my dog, or myself. They’re probably yours. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely superficial. Void where prohibited. Two wrongs don’t make a right. Or a left. RTFM.

Parental advisory - explicit lyrics. Winners responsible for all taxes. Losers walk. All rights reserved. Some assembly required. Use only as directed. Batteries not included. Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment. Students should neglect air resistance. Do not feed the animals. Keep out of reach of small children.

WARNING: may cause inflammation of the brain, heart damage, spleen implosion or explosion, pregnancy, infertility, loss of genitalia and/or hermaphroditism, hangnails, hepatitis, gingivitis, and/or athlete’s foot

For office use only. Do not use if safety seal is broken. Subject to change without notice. Dramatization. One size fits all. Slippery when wet. Watch for falling dogs. Beware of rocks. Professional driver on closed course. Don’t try this at home, at work, or anywhere else. STFU. Carpe Diem. No shirt, no shoes, no service. No shit, Sherlock. Driver does not carry cash. Don’t be an asshole. You must be 58″ tall to ride this ride. Use only with proper ventilation. Bridge may ice before roadway.

Author offers no warranty expressed, implied, suggested, imagined, insinuated, infuriated, or incarcerated. Non-existent warranty does not cover misuse, accident, extraterrestrial impact, lightning, tornadoes, solar flares, tsunami, seismic activity, supernovas, hurricanes, Acts of God, Acts of Satan, Professional Athletes, chemical reactions, electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, Divine Intervention, extraterrestrial intervention, falling rocks, falling temperatures, falling stock prices, falling anything else, napalm, leaky roofs, laser or other energy weapons, forest fires (especially those which only you can prevent), or projectiles (which may include, but are not limited to, arrows, bombs, artillery shells, missiles, bullets, cats, snowballs, hand grenades, vomit, flares, shrapnel, liquid-filled balloons, monkey shit, torpedoes, knives, stones, spears, etc.).

Member, FDIC. Your mileage may vary.