Shopping Fun

On this, the busiest shopping day of the year, the department stores and malls will be filled to capacity with droves of frantic Christmas shoppers. Sure, Christmas is still three weeks away, but don’t bother telling any of them that. As far as they’re concerned, it could be tomorrow. I’ve always wondered how so many people are in the stores on the day after Thanksgiving and, yet, just about as many are in the stores on Christmas Eve. Does anyone even go shopping in between? It’s hard to say. I’ve never been. The masses of people make malls a treasure trove of opportunities to laugh at people, on of my favorite pass times.

Years ago, when I was but a wee lad, I thought that it’d be great to go mess with people on The Day After, so I went to the mall. The first thing that I noticed was the parking lot. People circle the lots, waiting for someone to walk out of the mall. They will follow them to the car, wait on them to load up, and then take their spot. This is a very, very fun thing to take advantage of. In order to get the most out of the experience, follow the steps listed below.

Find an EXCELLENT parking spot. Wait hours if necessary. Go into the mall and buy something. Make sure they give you a huge bag, the bigger the better. It’s important that no one driving in the parking lot has any question that you have just bought something in the mall. Walk out of the mall with your bag and keys in hand. Walk slowly to bait the cars. Once cars start to follow you, start to wander. Everywhere. Cut across rows as often as possible. This really irks drivers, because they can’t just cut like you can. Keep wandering. Don’t neglect the back of th parking lot. Once folks get frustrated and stop following, go back to the store. You can repeat the process as many times as you want. It’s funny to see the reactions, but it does get old. Once you’ve had your fun with that, go back to the store and wait for a few minutes. Now walk to your car. Spend lots and lots of time loading up your car, getting situated, etc. People will notice you getting into your car (in your excellent parking spot) and rush to get it from you. Once you’ve stalled as long as possible, get in your car and start it. Put it in reverse and SLOWLY back out. When you’re almost out of the parking spot, stop. Put the car back in drive, pull back into the parking spot and park. Get out. Lock the door. Walk back into the mall. Now you can buy something else, and repeat the process.

This is great fun if you like to torture people. It’s also great to go into the store, buy a whole lot of stuff, get the cashier to ring it up for you (all of it), then cause as much trouble at the register as you can. “forget” your wallet. Insist that you’re good for it… you’ll come back and pay later. Yes, you know that $400 is a lot of money, but why don’t they just trust you? Huh? What kind of customer service is this, anyway? You should be offended. Try not to hassle the cashier too much, the goal is to frustrate the people behind you in line. They’re in a hurry, after all, Christmas is only three weeks away! What on earth are you thinking! Hurry up! They’re never going to make it! Arrrg!

Hehe… Oh the fun you can have with Christmas shoppers. People take it so seriously don’t they?

In other news, Thanksgiving was good… nobody makes it quite like Mom does, and I’m due back in Tuscaloosa tomorrow night or Sunday. Dead week is forthcoming, then finals. Then this semester is over… and not a moment too soon either. Phew. Next semester should be lots of fun… I’ve got some neat classes, and lots more Circle K stuff to do. Woohoo.

PS: Thanks to everyone who called on my drive back to Illinois to wish me a safe drive and a happy birthday.