Go to a Safe Place

Today was an interesting day. It started with 10 hours of stadium clean-up for Circle K. That was bad, but that’s alright. I got back from that and went to get some dinner. Today was also the last day for us to trim the jungle in the backyard. Tuscaloosa has some absurd city ordinance about keeping the grass less than 12″ tall. This doesn’t seem like a challenge, but when you’re lazy and have a lot better things to do, it can slip past.

Grass Weeds in the back yard had grown to well over 3′ tall, and the grass police are coming back tomorrow to check up on us. Our lawn-mower sucks. Of course, I don’t suppose most ghetto mowers can do very much with 36 inches of grass weeds. My solution? Well, the ordinance says that the HEIGHT of the grass weeds cannot exceed 12 inches. It doesn’t say anything about the LENGTH of the grass weeds. What does that mean? Well, it means that you can allow your grass to grow as long as you want, just as long as you make sure that it’s not growing vertically. So tonight, after dark, I towed a fairly large panel of wood around the yard to see what I could flatten down. This is the epitome of american laziness ingenuity. Where else will you find someone driving in circles around their backyard after dark instead of mowing? Some of the weeds weren’t heavy enough to stay down, so I had to mow those, but now I think we did a good enough job to get away without a ticket tomorrow. Good for us.

In other news, those folks who do the weather? Yeah. They’re pretty dumb. Either that or we’re pretty dumb. Think about this: when there’s a tornado warning, every blasted forecaster and meteorologist tells you to “go to a safe place”. No kidding? When the storm’s over can we go back to those dangerous places that we like so much? When is it not a good idea to be in a safe place? Granted, some people need to be told, just for their information, that sitting in your living room in front of a large window is not the place to be if Mr. Tornado decides to pay your house a visit… on the other hand, if you’re dumb enough to be sitting some place like that, you probably need to be taken from the gene pool anyway. Go to a safe place. Exactly. Maybe we all need to be told that more often.