My Muse is a Little Bitch

Have you ever felt like you had something to say, but didn’t know what? Like you needed to write something, but it just would start? As if all you need is a little inspiration and a hot steaming pile of beautiful prose would come pouring out of you? Yeah… all you need to do is find your muse. My muse, however, is a little bitch.

I’ve got no idea where she is, or what she’s doing, or with whom. But she’s certainly not here, being inspirational, with me. That’s for damn sure. You see, I think sometimes she leaves just to prove that I’m really a talentless schmuck without her. So tonight I really do have great deal to say, but nothing about which to say it.

At one point I thought I ought to name the little slutmonkey. Figured giving her something more personable than “my muse” would make her feel more at home here in my spacious brain. Sure didn’t. Just gave her something to put in the personals.

Jumpingjesuschristinaburningbeanfield, all I want is a good entry every so often and the inspiration to write mildly insteresting stuff the rest of the time. I’m not asking for a full body massage or someone to hand wash all of my underwear… just want her to bring a little inspiration. Is that so much to ask? Is it? No.

I mean, really, if the little over-evolved dust bunny wants to go out on the weekends and get drunk and screw Jiminy Cricket, that’s her own business… but the LEAST she could do is call to say she’s going to be late. Inconsiderate little wench. Hopefully the little top-hatted noise maker remembers to use protection. The LAST thing I need is a whole bunch of smart-assed crickets running around here.

What’s truly sad, however, is when your muse gets more action than you do.

And on this, the thirty-first day of July in the year of our lord two thousand and two, the wise and masterful Google hath proclaimed with 100% certainty that this person is “The Stupidest human being on earth”. Don’t blame me, I’m just reporting.

Looking for a way to spice up your profanity? Have a look at this tutorial. &#091via Blogatelle&#093

Sergio has moved and has a spiffy new look. You’ll also want to check out his drinking blog, The Barfly.

Two consective posts about sucking and/or blowing over at Tess’s place. Oh, she said some other stuff too.

I got my grubby little paws on one of these. And while we’re talking about Think Geek, here’s my wishlist. Oh. And Amazon too, while we’re at it.